If you’re taking relationship advice from a magazine, you’ve already made the wrong choice. What most consumer media won’t tell you is that their full-proof plan to get you married by the age of 25 is nothing more than advice that you will never get the opportunity to use because you aren’t a character from a 90s movie.
Here’s a list of ten times the media tried (and failed) to give you relationship advice:
- Remember that movie with Reese Witherspoon, “Legally Blonde,” that portrayed her as an airhead valley girl? There’s a scene where she helps her friend woo a crush by performing the classic “bend and snap” method. Ladies, lets get real now: Would you really be willing to make a fool of yourself by bending to a 20-degree angle and snapping right back up while cupping your chest for a man? I didn’t think so. And fellas, if you would fall for a girl bending over and rebounding with her hands under her breast, you might reevaluate what you’re looking for.
- In “Aquamarine,” Sara Paxton’s character is told to bike by her crush’s house and laugh and giggle her brains out until he notices. The first flaw is the most obvious. It’s called being a stalker and an overall weirdo. Secondly, although it might get them to notice you, what will you do afterwards? For Paxton, she fell and scraped her knee trying to get his attention. It worked, but with the cost of a Band-Aid.
- On behalf of all self respecting people out there, don’t whistle at people. That may work in “Grease,” but in the real, mundane world, whistling will get you a slap in the face, or worse, distracted on the streets and hit by a car like on the hit TV show, “Friends.”
- You know in those movies where the jock and the popular cheerleader are programmed to be with each other, while the wallflower and the school nerd are forced to spend their high school careers with each other? In real life, people tend to gravitate toward someone that they share a lot in common with, or the complete opposite. So don’t let movie clichés limit your possibilities, if there’s someone you like, go for it.
- Have you ever heard of the phase, “personality before looks”? If you haven’t, watch any rom-com and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Looks aren’t everything, as most people will tell you. What the media doesn’t tell you is that it’s okay to care about your looks. Don’t misinterpret this as trying to be America’s next top model, just be the best version of yourself.
To those of you who were lucky enough to already land a date, here’s some relationship advice from someone who’s currently single (and it’s still better advice than “Gossip Girl”).
- When was the last time you got all dressed up, did a slow motion runway walk down a flight of stairs and went to a fancy dinner (that apparently college kids can afford with their minimum wage and all)? Let me tell you, unless you’re 30+ or the date was to agree to be someone’s sugar daddy, chances are that your date won’t require formal wear. First dates are meant to be comfortable so you can really get the feel for the other person. Besides, if it doesn’t work out, at least there wasn’t a hole in your pocket.
- Do you see all those couples on Instagram taking selfies with their significant other and writing a 500-word MLA format essay expressing their love and devotion? Chances are, they were fighting and just made up moments ago. Moral of the story: Don’t be envious of every insta-couple. There is always more than meets the eye.
- Parents on sitcoms seem to be normal, have somewhat excellent communication skills and are a “team” in everything they do. But, its only because these actors are kind of a package deal and there’s no point in having just on of the two parents when the show is focused on the kid. Truth of the matter is, they probably fight, argue, and do everything your parents do “off screen.” So don’t compare your relationship to these minor characters; their relationship isn’t the focus on the show.
- You know how every magazine tells you what to wear, how to act or what to do while you are already in a relationship? Since you already scored that significant other, there’s no need to be on your tip toes around them. Now is actually the perfect time to be yourself and show them how unattractive you really are. Most likely, they don’t really care; they’re just thankful they aren’t single like the rest of us.
- Do you ever see any movie, play or TV show where someone in a relationship messes up (normally the male), and all is forgiven after a huge gesture or gift? Any magazine will tell you to spend your life savings doing or giving “something special,” but in reality, materialistic things only get you so far. The best way for real forgiveness is…wait for it…communication. Yes, communication is key. Plus, its cheap, easy, and more effective.
The media will tell you a lot of things, but in reality, we are all individuals who work differently. Although they push whatever they think is “normal” in relationships and dating, they really aren’t crafting what the “perfect couple” looks like. Our relationships (or lack thereof) are just as unique as we are. So before you go on a date, make sure you keep in mind who you are dating instead of what people say in the media.