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Well well well, look at you. All grown up and ready to rumble. You’re moving out of your parent’s place for college and into an on-campus dorm. Congratulations.

Living in a dorm is like adulthood on training wheels. You pay for your room in one bulk sum, so you don’t have to worry about making the rent on time. The fee also includes utilities, so you don’t have to worry about budgeting your electricity or watching your water usage. However, you do need to step up and take care of your space, your meals and your relationship with your roommates.

What is living with a roommate like? Every person is different, so every cohabitation experience will be different too. Here are some things to watch out for in each room of the apartment. These are things to look out for, nothing you need to avoid yourself. You know, because you already know how to be an amazing roommate. There’s no way you could ever be the drama. You read Cooglife. You know better.

The kitchen
All of my favorite cultures believe that the kitchen is the heart of the home. As it should be. If you don’t have a meal plan, you’re responsible for groceries and food prep in order to keep yourself fed.

Sharing a kitchen with a roommate can be tough. There’s a huge chance you may have different dietary preferences. One of you may be an extra passionate pescatarian that will not allow the preparation of meat in your kitchen. Another may enjoy deep-fried fish at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday.

Who knows, maybe one of you may enjoy collecting mugs in your room until the milk turns into cheese, then dumping the cursed dish into the sink so it can be someone else’s problem.

Perhaps you have a soft spot for frozen meals from Trader Joe’s. But since you are certain the microwave causes cancer, you HAVE to bake every meal in the oven…even the ones with packaging that is not oven-safe.

Maybe you decide it’s a nice day for a walk while your fish is already baking, then proceed to return to the oven only once your food (and its container) have melted through the rack and burned onto the bottom of the oven, causing the whole floor to complain.

Regardless of who you are, none of this is acceptable behavior. As a matter of fact, the kitchen is a shared space where sacred, scrumptious food is prepared.

Everyone’s restrictions and preferences should be respected. You can do this by cleaning up after yourself, not eating what does not belong to you and not filming your OnlyFans content on the counter. Not that I know anyone that would have ever done something so disrespectful. No, that’s never happened in the Lofts.

The living room
This is where the party goes down. Each room usually comes with a TV and a plastic-like couch for roommates to share. Of course, sitting on a loveseat with someone you may or may not have met before and trying to agree on a show may not be your ideal Friday night. However, you should still make an effort to make the space welcoming for everyone that lives with you.

Although it’s fine to fold a basket of laundry or two when you watch TV, maybe try not to leave it piled on every surface until the end of the semester. If you invite friends over, perhaps don’t invite seven people to try your new bong while your roommate is studying for finals.

And hey, parties happen. We’ve all had too much to drink at one point or another. If you do accidentally puke in the living room, maybe clean it up before dragging yourself off to bed. Of course, nothing like this has ever happened in the Lofts, it’s just an example.

The bathroom
This can be a tough space to learn to share if you happen to be an only child or a prima donna or whatever. The sink can get cluttered fast, and the argument over whose turn it is to buy toilet paper is inevitable. Regardless, peace can be kept by following the same set of common courtesies I mentioned in the kitchen.

Don’t touch things that don’t belong to you, especially luxury foundations. I can clearly see the drop in 10 shades at the start of your neck. Also, consider buying your own shower products, especially if you’re going to use my $54 conditioner as shampoo because you decided to shower drunk.

Also, would it kill you to scrub away your skid marks, not pee on the toilet seat or floor and clean your hair out of the shower and sink? Once again, these are just fantastical examples, nothing like this has ever happened at the Lofts.

The bedroom
Lastly, the room where the magic happens. Lucky for us privacy-lovers, plenty of dorms offer single rooms instead of shared, so you have a space to truly make your own.

Although what happens in your room stays in your room, you still need to be courteous of the person you share your dorm with. For example, it wasn’t cool to leave your radio blasting at 7 a.m. in your locked room before running off to class, leaving me to suffer on my day off.

It also really sucked when you broke up with your boyfriend and chose to express your rage by screeching and smashing everything in your room at 4 a.m. during finals week. And the worst part was when you decided to hook up with your tinder date on MY BED because your room was too messy! Are you kidding me, Dani? Sharing a room in the Lofts with you was the worst thing that ever happened to me. You’re the reason I’m in therapy! Jesus!

In other words…living on campus is a stellar experience I would recommend to any young person wanting to stretch their wings. However, for your mental health, might I suggest not rooming at the Lofts? Or if you must, try to room with a friend.

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