Before you embark further, please understand that an idiot with little life experience wrote this. However, this idiot has learned a few things over the years, especially when it comes to dating.
Being a male, I can attest to hearing some ignorance spewed on the treatment of women. So, I have decided to make a do’s and don’t’s list to try and help my fellow brethren evolve from their primitive state.
Firstly, have some semblance of an idea of what you’re doing. Not just with women but in actual life.
Research shows that men have no idea what they are doing 100 percent of the time. As a courtesy to society, please help yourself be better. Read a book or talk to a woman who you don’t want to just have sex with, and have a meaningful conversation with her. Seriously, education is not only a good look, it’s a necessity.
Secondly, always be prepared to pay. Now gentlemen, this does not mean wrestling her to the ground fighting over the check while the waiter watches. Let her pay if she wants to. She’s a strong independent woman and doesn’t need your pity date money.
But, always be prepared to pay. If you’re asking why or are confused by this notion, please find a dumpster and use it as your home, because you’re what we call a “trash man.”
Women have a hard-enough time as it is. They’re taking the time to hang out with you and literally risking their existence by doing so, because date-rape, murder, assault and other less desirable things sometimes happen to women who go on dates with men.
So when you drag her out on that same crappy movie date you came up with back in high school — the one where you roller-skate and see a terrible rom-com at the theater — just remember to offer to pay. And don’t be a total Chad if she asks to pay for herself.
Thirdly, and this is an obscure but still prevalent rule; do not slide into GroupMe DM’s. These are for class and group activities only. Not for flirty advances.
GroupMe is an interesting anomaly in which classmates who usually don’t know each other decide to come together for the common good; cheating on any and every assignment. It’s not like social media where you might know the person who you’re attempting to woo.
They’re complete strangers and have no idea who you are or if you like Nickelback. It’s not an open invitation to begin flirting with the girl whose profile picture looks nice. It’s an invitation to do nothing. Approach her in person or not at all, you creepy boy you.
Some bonus rules include never under any circumstances wear cargo shorts. Or shorts in general. You need to respect yourself and wearing shorts that have 35 pockets is only acceptable if you’re a construction worker and have a lot of nails and screws to carry about.
And never wear flip-flops. If you’re saying to yourself, “but I wear flip-flops and cargo shorts,” call the cops, because you’re a serial killer.
Also, making a decision about literally anything can be quite efficient in keeping a meaningful and lasting relationship. That means planning a date for the two of you. Something simple can go a long way.
This does not mean taking her to your boy’s frat house for a night of wholesome fun, even if they are having a live performance of some white guy attempting to freestyle. It might seem fun to you, but please for the love of god, get your own life. Take her interests into account and shape them around your date.
And last, but not least, try listening. It’s this crazy concept where you pay attention to spoken words by averting your eyes from her chest. Yes, it is nice, but so is a sunset. And like your mother taught you, if you stare at the sun too long you will go blind.
I look forward to all you who label this as cuck speech, because it simply highlights your insecurities and inability to please anything other than the doll you bought on Amazon. We all wish you two the best of luck by the way.