Growing up, my parents never sat me down to give me the old “when a mommy and daddy love each other very much” speech. Neither of them bothered to do more than ask if I knew about the “sex stuff,” and then leave the nitty gritty to television and the Internet.
In Catholic school, I was taught that it doesn’t matter if you wrap your willy every time you stick it in — you’ll get STDs, she’ll get pregnant and you’ll both go to hell
So nothing helpful there either.
I don’t blame my parents; it had to be intimidating on their end. After all, how do you approach that topic when your kids can get any information they want from the Internet? Eventually, though, “the talk” will happen, and while these discussions range from cringe-inducing to heartfelt, sex advice from parents is something everyone remembers.
“My parents are super conservative and don’t like to discuss sex with me. Once, my dad very politely and sincerely asked me not to become a lesbian. I told him I was bisexual, and he sighed and went back to playing online poker. My mom told me after I graduated I should only have sex with one person ever so I wouldn’t have a comparison point, and that way all sex would be relatively good.”
“My mom told me a story about her mom. Her mom told her to go piss before having sex. That was about it.”
Political science freshman
“I am the product of a teenage pregnancy. My ma, the archetype of innocent Catholic school girl, managed to have me at 18. As soon as I got old enough to walk around and not cry all the time, my mom took me to some of her classes at UH because, at the time, no one could watch me. I attended her clubs and sorority meetings and she would take me around campus. My earliest memories take place on campus from age 1 to about 5. So when I got older (old enough to understand that I was the product of a young mom), looking at old pictures of my mom’s college years, I’m in almost every picture. My family jokingly called me a founding sister of Sigma Lambda Gamma because I was in every picture at two years old. And while it was funny, I had to look at the pictures with a grain of salt, because I felt like my existence held her back from doing more. I have a good ma though, because she reassured me that if not for me, she would have never done all the good shit she did in college. My existence pushed her to do better — to graduate. When it comes to sex, she has always taught me contradicting lessons: being safe is important, but also have fun. But what she really taught me is that mistakes aren’t the end of the world, instead they’re sometimes just a chance to do better.”
“Never had the sex talk… (my) dad knew I would never get laid.”
Exploratory studies freshman
“My father just avoided talking to me about it and acknowledged his failure as a parent to me.”
Biomedical engineering sophomore
“My mom basically gave me a huge bag of condoms this last year and told me to be safe. Seriously though, it was one of those drawstring bags and it was stuffed full. There had to be like 1,000 in there.”
Computer technology freshman
“My Dad told me, ‘son, you can talk to as many women you as want. Sing to them, have a little cheek action, but never make out with ‘em unless you want to marry ‘em. Because once you do that, you’re done for. It’s like a trap. ‘Cause you know, making out leads to something else and then before you know it, you might get someone pregnant and shit’.”